


UCL Nights

by LowInHighSchool



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Gen, Self Harm, bipolar, i actually can't remember who else is in this lmao, i can't remember omg, oh there's also a cat in it, possibly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 01:01:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16052216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LowInHighSchool/pseuds/LowInHighSchool
Summary: the arsenal v basel match just happens to be on the day granit's coming down from mania...





	UCL Nights

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chicles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicles/gifts).



> thank you @mariena_sauce for your help with this!!!!!!!!! <3

Maybe it’s the excitement of the match, and seeing his brother again for the first time in a couple of months. At least that’s what Granit tells himself after. After when he’s curled up on the couch with some caffeine free tea and wrapped in a blanket. 

Champions league nights were always exciting. Just hearing the anthem was enough to make Granit’s heart jump. It had been a while since he’d played in a champion’s league match, and here he was.

And not only was it a champion’s league match but it was against Basel. His old team, and his brother’s current team. As soon as they’d both seen the draw Taulant had called Granit and asked if he’d seen, of course he had! 

At first Granit had been excited, but then he was worried, he didn’t want to tackle his brother. What if he hurt him? And if Arsenal won he’d feel bad. 

Now, on the day of the match, he was back to being excited again. He hadn’t slept last night but that may have also been something to do with the fact he was slightly manic right now. And not the good, productive mania. It was the angry, frustrated mania, the type that made him punch things and get angry at the tiniest little things.

He tended to avoid people when he was like that, but he couldn’t today. He half debates asking if he can be on the bench, just in case he did something stupid and got sent off, but he doesn’t. He’d kick himself if he didn’t get the chance to play against his brother again. 

During the afternoon, after a hastily made lunch, he goes through his bipolar survival guide and tries to practice regulating his emotions. By the time he leaves he’s feeling strange. Anxious and frustrated and like he could cry at any moment. 

He knows he should take some of that new medication his doctor had prescribed but he’d only been prescribed it last week and hadn’t gotten around to checking if it would show up in drugs tests. He’d brought the packet with him though so he could take one after the match.

During the next hour, whilst they’re all warming up on the pitch, Granit finds his mood switching between excitement and full of energy to feeling like there was no point in anything and super anxious. 

As the match gets going he finds he’s making harder tackles than usual but he manages to control himself so he doesn’t get sent off. At half time he just can’t take it. Arsenal are winning but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to be here. He just wants to go home and not face the world for at least a week.

He hides in the toilets and lets himself cry for a good 5 minutes until his teammates come looking for him.

“Granit?” Shkodran asks “Are you in here?”

“Fuck off! Leave me alone” Granit sobs.

“Can you open the door?”

“No, just go away”

“Granit, come on. What’s wrong?”

“Everything”

“Everything?”

“I just want to sleep”

“Granit, can you come out here?” Shkodran was panicking a bit now.

Granit takes a deep breath “I don’t mean I’m gonna kill myself, I just want to sleep. I’m tired”

“Oh, how have you been sleeping recently?”

“3 hours a night for the past week”

“No wonder you’re tired, come on out, everyone’s wondering where you’ve gone”

“Mmm, have you seen my brother?”

“Yeah, I saw him before” Shkodran says “Would seeing him help”

“Maybe”

“Wait there”

Granit unlocks the stall and goes to splash cold water on his face. Then he paces around, he doesn’t even know what he’s angry at. He sighs and punches the door frame. His knuckles hurt but he doesn’t care.

“What was that noise?” Taulant asks, opening the door. Granit immediately hugs him “Hey, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know” Shkodran says “I found him in here crying and saying that everything’s wrong”

“Oh”

“I’m not going back out there” Granit says, starting to pace again.

“You don’t have to” Taulant assures him.

“I’ll go and have a word with the boss” Shkodran says.

“Have a word with mine too?” Taulant asks.

“Sure”

“What happened?” Taulant asks his brother.

“I don’t know, I was so happy yesterday”

“Happy, or manic?”

“Manic”

“That explains it, you just need to relax. Did you take the meds?”

“Not the extra ones. I will though. I brought them with me”

“Good, come on, I think everyone’s gone now”

Granit lets himself be led out of the toilets and into the arsenal changing room. Taulant roots through his bag until he finds the meds.

“Here” He says “Take one”

“What about the drugs test?”

“It might not happen, and we can explain”

“Sure”

Granit pops one out and swallows it with water. He feels the effects ten minutes later. He sighs and lies down on the bench with his head in Taulant’s lap.

“Alright?” Taulant asks.

“Tired”

“You should sleep, you never get enough when you’re manic”

“Mmm”

He’s still asleep when the rest of the squad come back in. They see and keep quiet as they get changed. Taulant wakes him up soon after and goes to get changed. Granit’s tired still and can’t wait to get home and just crash. He dresses quickly and then sits on the bench, just nodding if his teammates asked if he was ok.

Only a handful of them knew about his bipolar and he preferred to keep it that way. The only people who knew had found out by accident. Apart from Mesut, Granit had told him ‘just in case anything happens’.

Taulant comes to get him once he’s changed and then drives him back to his house. Granit probably wasn’t safe to drive in the state he was in.

Granit’s glad to be back. He curls up on the sofa with a blanket and Taulant makes him some tea. As soon as he’s drank it he’s asleep again. His cat Klea comes in, wondering what’s going on. Taulant covers his brother with the blanket and then stands up.

“Do you want food?” He asks the cat who meows “Come on then”

They go into the kitchen and Taulant gets a fresh packet of cat food out and tips it into Klea’s dish. He strokes her.

“Good kitty” He says.

It had been Taulant’s idea that Granit get a cat. He’d been watching a programme about therapy animals and thought it could help his brother. Granit had loved the idea and gone out the next day and adopted Klea. She’d been a kitten at the time but now she was 5 and getting big. Granit wasn’t too sure what breed she was but he loved her. She always seemed to tell when he wasn’t feeling too good and would sit on his lap and purr. 

Taulant calls one of his teammates and tells him he’ll be staying over at Granit’s house and then he’d see what his brother was like tomorrow. Thankfully he doesn’t have anything to do in switzerland for a few days.

Granit wakes up around midnight, confused and as much as he hated to admit it, really really sad. He could remember parts of the match and he was embarrassed. He knows it’s not his fault but he can’t help the tears that fall. His hand is still hurting but he’s glad in a way, he deserves it.

It always followed the same pattern, Granit could, for the most part, control the mania. It was coming down from it that was the issue. He’d never been taught how to manage it so that was when he felt most out of control.

He swings his legs round so he’s sitting up and cries. He’s just so mad at himself. It had been a special match, why did he have to mess it up? He slams his fists down onto his thighs over and over until bruises form but that’s not enough. He goes to the kitchen to get a knife.

The knife isn’t that good for cutting but granit’s just so frustrated he makes a decent few cuts.

A tiny meow pulls him out of his trance. He stops and puts the knife down.

“Klea?” He asks as the cat comes padding over. 

Granit crouches down and strokes her which makes her purr loudly. He picks up one of her balls which is near the washing machine and rolls it. Klea happily chases it around for a while and for the first time in a while Granit smiles.

“We should go to bed” He says eventually.

Klea normally slept in her cat bed downstairs but on nights like tonight Granit liked having her in his room with him. He picks her up gently and carries her upstairs.

“Alright?” Taulant asks, making Granit jump and nearly drop the cat.

“Yeah, I’m fine”

Taulant smiles “It’s ok, why don’t you get some rest?”

“I’m not tired”

“Go and take your meds at least and just relax alright?”

Granit nods “Thanks, I will”

“Wait...is that blood?”

Granit looks at his arm.

“Oh yeah” He says.

“I’ll get the first aid kit”

“It’s in my room”

“Sure”

They walk into Granit’s room and Granit puts Klea down on the bed. She immediately curls up on his pillow. Granit sits down and digs the first aid kit out. Taulant gets to work, like he had so many times before, cleaning and covering the cuts.

“Any deeper and you would’ve needed stitches” He sighs.

“Sorry, i was just annoyed”

“I understand yeah? Try and get some sleep now. You’ll feel better in the morning”

“I know, thanks”

“It’s ok, night then, night Klea”

Taulant hugs his brother before heading to the spare room. Granit takes his meds and gets changed into his pyjamas. He flops on the bed and checks social media and his messages. There are quite a few off teammates asking if he was ok. He turns his phone off and decides to deal with it in the morning. Klea did seem to have a habit of sleeping on Granit’s side of the bed so he gets in the other side and tries to settle down.


End file.
